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Friday Funnies

> Here was an old married couple that had happily lived together for
> nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by
> the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
> The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
> eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every
> morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning.
> He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor
> to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it.
> He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he
> would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
> hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
> didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".
>
> The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
> continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
> one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
> prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes,
> gravy and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's
> innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her
> husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the
> turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her
> flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she
> pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's
> jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her
> husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed
> back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
>
> Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud
> ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and
> the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
> bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to
> tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting
> up with him she had finally gotten even. About twenty minutes later,
> her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a
> look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and
> she asked him what was the matter.
>
> He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and
> I didn't listen to you."
>
> "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
>
> "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out
> one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace
> of God and these two fingers, I think I got'em all back in."
>
>
end
================================================================Frank Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no
feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them,
right?-( anonymous) Age 15
===================================================


Professor Dog (Douglas Bolton)
professor_dog@NastyThing.com
San Diego, California
also check out
 http://www.angelfire.com/ca/biggestdogs/index.html
http://web2.airmail.net/xlr8tor/homepage.htm

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