Ski season is approaching

["Leon Capers Jr." <extiski@earthlink.net>]

This was sent to me by a non-skier, but I think you all can get a kick
out of it.

Leon

TOP TEN WAYS TO PREPARE FOR SKI SEASON
 (OR WHY NON-SKIERS DO NOT SKI)

 10.  Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in
 freezer for
 half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
 9.   Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times
 in your
 ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.
 Pretend you
 are looking for your car.
 8.   For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street
 shoes and
 tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
 7.  Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
 6.   Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger.  Be
 sure to
 wait in the longest line.
 5.   Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a
 motorcycle
 fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
 4.   Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
 snowstorm
 and you're following an 18 wheeler.
 3.   Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray
 blast
 your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a
 snowmaker!
 2.   Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take
 them off
 because you have to go to the bathroom.
 1.   Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.


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